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I guess I just like liking things

First, a confession. For many years in my early teens I was completely besotted with Corey Feldman. Completely. We were going to get married, I just knew it. I had a little article clipped out of a magazine which listed all his movies (pre-internet and pre-IMDB) and I checked them off as I watched them. This list was carefully pasted into a scrapbook. Yes, I kept a Corey Feldman Scrapbook. We were meant for each other.

One of my favourite Corey movies was “Dream A Little Dream” even though I found the Michael Jackson dancing bit in the middle to be vaguely embarrassing to watch. I still enjoy this movie today. I did know there was a sequel, but never hunted it down. Today it landed in my hand, and so I present to you this week’s Dire DVD – “Dream a Little Dream 2.” Made 6 years after the first one, this mid-1990s movie lands us firmly in the difficult period for the two Coreys. No longer teen heart throb material, but unable to move on to more adult roles due to being so well known as teen actors, and a double act. Sad, but true. Let’s get this movie going.

A guy is on the phone, taking down an address. He hangs up as a woman walks in, asking if he got the address. She’s so pleased he got the address that she leaps on him. They’re making out, and she demands “You know what,” which is apparently a condom. She’s a grown woman, she should be able to say condom. While the chap is in the bathroom, the door knob rattles so the woman grabs the address and climbs out the window. A gunman bursts in and shoots the chap in the bathroom, thus proving once and for all that the black character will die first. Poor guy didn’t even make the three minute mark. The gunman runs to the window and looks out as a car passes. Because of his ESP, he knows the woman is in this car and he’s pretty sad about it.

As he’s leaving, he finds the notebook that had the address in it. Thankfully, the guy who did the writing pressed really hard so the address is clear as a bell on the next page. The gunman giggles, then kisses the page. The titles roll. Distressingly, the theme music is performed by Corey F. He can’t sing. I know he can’t sing because I own one of his CDs (shut up).

Corey H is in jail, in black and white because it’s probably a dream sequence. He turns from the bars to see a biker looking guy meditating on his bed. He calls the guy Coleman and Coleman tells him to “Share his vision.” Corey H screams and wakes up. His violent waking up does nothing to disturb Corey F, who slumbers away on a second single bed in the same room. In colour, Corey H has dyed red hair and a weirdly coloured tan.

In the kitchen, the Coreys are having breakfast along with a lady. Corey H is explaining that Coleman was trying to communicate with him, but Corey F reminds him that Coleman is dead. Coleman was in the first movie, for those who didn’t see it. He was an elderly man and not a biker, but okay. While the Coreys argue, the lady is reading a feminist book and making notes. This is Rachel. She’s dressed in a pinstriped vest and has glasses, establishing her as the smart-nerdy-yet-beautiful type.

I can't lie, I had a shirt like this in 1995

I can’t lie, I had a shirt like this in 1995

Corey F’s character (Bobby) has evolved from an outcast weird high school student into a money driven neat-freak, while Corey H’s character (Dinger) has turned into a New Age type with interesting taste in shirts. Corey H mentions he went to see his psychic the day before, and Rachel is really annoyed because he owes rent. He gets out of this by “Love Bombing” her, which is basically a bear hug with neck kisses. Corey F looks on with a smile. Corey H explains that the monetary system confines him and Rachel asks him to explain this to the landlord. Corey F (who as you remember is a business man now) offers to pay for Corey H’s rent as long as Corey H stops talking about Coleman.

We cut to Corey H at work, which is a shop called “Condomania.” It sells condoms. That’s the whole thing the shop does. Meanwhile, Corey F is also at work. He also works in a shop, so that was unexpected. It’s a shop that sells sunglasses. The 90s are screaming at me. They are screaming at me in shades. Corey H dashes in as Corey F is having a discussion with the manager. The manager is kind of a jerk and Corey H is being hilarious (not really) about this. Corey H had to come in to tell Corey F that there’s a package at the house from Cleveland (which is where the first movie was set. They really are assuming you’ve seen it). There’s discussion about the potential of what’s in the parcel, which I just don’t want to go into.

Since I’m assuming you haven’t seen the first movie, you should know that in that, Corey F ended up body swapped with an old guy who was into metaphysical stuff and other things and whatnots. So that’s the Coleman who was all spooky and weird and a bit magical. With me? Okay let’s go on.

Anyway, the Coreys go back to the house and open the package, which contains two pairs of sunglasses with frosted blue lenses. While Corey F reads the letter and realises the glasses are from Coleman, Corey H puts on a pair and goes a bit weird about how amazing everything looks. He kicks a half empty coke can, splashing cola on Corey F who loses his ever lovin’ mind. The cola also got on the letter, so Corey H rubs it with his sleeve, destroying it. All that can be read is “Dear Bobby and Dinger [destroyed bit] Be Careful, Love Coleman”. Oh no, how ominous! Or… not. Or something. This movie is too long already. To calm Corey F down, because he really has gone a bit cross, Corey H puts the other pair of glasses on him and everything goes all zen and nice. Just before putting on the glasses, Corey F said that Corey H needed to clean his side of the room sometimes to prevent cola related issues. Now that the glasses are on, Corey H slowly starts to fold jeans as though in a trance.

Later, as Rachel gets home, Corey H is vacuuming. Corey F explains that the glasses can make people do what you want them to, so he picked up on that otherwise mysterious plot point really quickly. Who cleans and entire house while keeping their sunglasses on? Corey H, that’s who! Rachel asks to try Corey F’s glasses and as soon as she puts them on, Corey H rushes off to find the rent money which he was saving for tickets to a rally.

At least he got it out of the way early

At least he got it out of the way early

Rachel makes the boys swap glasses, but Corey F is worried they’ll make him do something stupid. Aaaand there’s the Michael Jackson impression dance thing. It’s no less embarrassing to watch this time around. Actually it’s more embarrassing because this time around he’s also singing. I fast forward because I remember when Corey F had dignity.

The trio sits around looking at the glasses in the box, while Corey H explains the premise again in case you were out getting coffee or something. One pair controls the person wearing the other pair. Both pairs are identical, so I don’t know how you know which pair you’re putting on until you do it. They discuss it further, because it’s not what people are thinking about that makes the other person act, it’s what they want deep down inside. Which means Corey H has been wanting a Michael Jackson impression deep, deep in his heart. Corey H is a little weird.

Corey F has had enough of this nonsense and goes to bed. Were you hoping for a dream sequence? You’re lucky, here it is. The lady from before, with the address and the now dead boyfriend? You remember. Anyway, she’s standing over Corey F with a pair of handcuffs and a big coat on. She’s wearing the sunglasses, and handcuffing Corey F to the bed. He wakes up and looks baffled because he hasn’t even met that character yet. Glancing over at Corey H, he sees that Corey H is also dreaming, and I bet this one is also in black and white with a bunch of jump cuts because that’s how dreams are in this movie. He’s dreaming about the same woman, but instead of the condom shop, she’s in the glasses shop where Corey H doesn’t even work. That crazy dream world.

The next morning, the boys are discussing their dreams. I’m sure it’s an interesting conversation but I am entirely distracted by Corey H’s hair which is standing on end now. The end result of the conversation is that Coleman is sending the pair their dream girls because they are currently living without love. Rachel is sitting on the bench eating cereal even through there’s plenty of room at the table. She can’t be Corey H’s impending girlfriend because she’s his sister, but she’ll probably hook up with Corey F at some point. Corey F wants to take the glasses to work so his boss can look at them (no idea why), but Corey H would rather just believe. Coleman is looking out for them. From the Other Side. Just believe, man.

At the end of the day, Corey F is returning home. On the porch sits the woman from the dream. Oh my gosh! Her name is Lina Drago (yes it is). She says she knew Coleman and has come to see Corey F to talk. The first thing Corey F tells her is that he dreamed about her, and now he feels like he’s crazy. Small talk is not his strong point.  Lina explains that she and Coleman were working together on ESP. She spots the glasses box which is empty. Since she can’t just grab the glasses and run, she goes for the seduction technique which, of course, works like a charm. She calls it one of Coleman’s Experiments, so they need the glasses. Sadly Corey F left them at work. It’s all good though, Lina goes ahead and handcuffs him to the bed just like in his dream. While he’s blindfolded, she takes his keys and leaves. Corey F thinks she’s shut the door, and rambles on about how he thought she only wanted the glasses and not him. Which is right, she’s driving off now. At speed and without checking her mirrors. Some people.

As Lina drives off, another car pulls in. It’s the gunman, and he’s all happy at having found the address. It took them both a couple of days, so I don’t know what’s up with that. He rings the doorbell, but of course Corey F is handcuffed to the bed and can’t come to the door. Thinking the place is empty, the guy picks the lock in .3 of a second and goes inside. He scuffles about a bit and then drops something, so Corey F calls for Lina thinking it’s her crashing about in the living room. The guy goes into the bedroom and presses his gun against Corey F’s head, demanding to know where the glasses are. There’s banter, but it’s not worth repeating. Make up your own. Corey F asks to be freed in exchange for the information, but he’s not the one with the gun, so instead he just tells the guy that they’re at the glasses shop. Which is called “Sly Glasses.” This is a terrible name for a shop, but better than Condomania.

Speaking of Condomania, Corey H is closing up shop when he spots his dream girl (Lina) trying to open the door to the Glasses shop. She can’t do locks, so Corey H helps because he’s helpful and because she says she knows the owner. Corey H is pretty gullible. There appears to be no alarm system. Corey H gets right to the point with the flirting and the charm. For some reason the glasses are locked in a display case in the sale area. Lina asks Corey H if he has the key, and then he looks at the keys in his hand and realises they’re Corey F’s keys. He turns to leave and run away, but Lina has a gun, so that stops him.

With Corey H locked in the store room, Lina opens the display case, setting off the alarm that does exist now. She grabs a plastic bag and shoves glasses into it because she doesn’t know which pairs she needs and that explains the display case thing, so at least one loose end is wrapped up nicely. She takes about half the glasses, which seems lazy. What if the Magic Glasses were on the top shelf? Lina sucks at this!

Rachel returns home and is shouted at by Corey F who thinks she’s either Lina or the guy with the gun. She goes into the bedroom but backs out embarrassed thinking she’s stumbled upon a sexy moment. Corey F is entirely alone in the room, so I’m not going to over think that. He calls her back in. She takes the blindfold off him, and laughs. He wants the cuffs undone but I don’t know that Lina left the key. We’ll find out later.

The police have arrived at the glasses shop just as Corey H bursts out of the store room. The guy with the gun has also arrived, and watches as Corey H is loaded into the police car. Rachel and Corey F arrive at the jail to talk to Corey H. I guess Lina did leave the key to the handcuffs as Corey F is not dragging the bed with him or anything. The Coreys chat and realise they both dreamed about the same girl. Corey F is concerned about the sunglasses that Lina stole from the shop, but not so much concerned about the Magic Glasses. Corey H is concerned about the Magic Glasses because if they fall into the wrong hands then bad stuff will happen. Like “Dream a Little Dream 3.” He tells Corey F that Coleman will tell them where the glasses are if he dreams it. Because of the title. Keep up.

You thought I was making this bit up, didn't you?

You thought I was making this bit up, didn’t you?

Corey F thinks this is nonsense, but still will try it if Rachel would stop making so much noise. Desperate, he swigs from a bottle of whiskey and enters a dream sequence. Biker Coleman is there again, telling Corey F to look into his heart. Then there’s a preacher with a ruffled shirt and Elvis hair style, and then Corey F is talking about Moses while wearing a very 1980s jacket. The preacher tells Corey F to follow the yellow brick road, which is an alleyway. Someone sat down and wrote this, you know.

The next morning, Rachel finds Corey F on the bathroom floor because somehow after falling asleep he then went on to finish the booze. He tries to make sense of his dream as a way of finding the glasses, but you’ve just read the dream so good luck everyone. They decide the alley way is the key, and set off to find it. It can’t be too hard, there’s only like four alleys in the whole of California, right?

Rachel wants to go with Corey F, but he won’t let her because it’s dangerous and she only knows about reading and also ladies aren’t good at things. She has his keys though, so we’ll skip the bickering and just go to the next bit. They head out to the car, watched by the guy who had the gun. He follows them as they drive around looking for alley ways. There’s more bickering about not bruising the vinyl in the car and how they don’t get along but I’m distracted by Corey F never looking at the road. This is a movie pet peeve and I’m cross. At least he notices they’re being followed, which means he’s checked his mirror. He does some fast driving around corners to try and lose the guy, telling Rachel that while she was wasting her life with books, he was learning driving skills from TV. Banter banter banter.

They manage to lose the guy when another car comes out really slowly into the road, forcing the Gun Guy (I don’t know who he is, okay?) to swerve a lot for no apparent reason. There’s no wall of cardboard boxes though, so that’s disappointing. Corey F hides the car in an alley way and would anyone like to take a guess about the alley way there? Yep, it’s the one from the dream. The Elvis Preacher is there even, because nothing says “I’m preaching!” like doing it in a dead alley way. Maybe they have to level up before they can go to the busier streets.

Guess what the preacher is wearing. Go on, have a guess. No, not antlers (where are you even from?) – it’s a pair of magic sunglasses! He has the plastic bag with the other stolen glasses at his feet. The preacher says God gave him the glasses, so Corey F launches into his preaching from the dream, which he remembers word for word.  The preacher is impressed and gives him the glasses (for whatever reason I’m thinking of Tales Of Monkey Island right about now). Corey F asks where the glasses came from, and the Preacher tells him to follow the yellow brick road, which turns out to be a yellow trash chute over a dumpster. This is attached to a hotel, so Corey F and Rachel go looking for Lina inside.

Corey F tries to get the clerk to tell him if Lina is there by pretending to be a private detective and handing over a bribe, but the clerk pockets the money and says he’s never heard of Lina. Rachel snickers because Corey F has been picking on her feminism and it turns out men aren’t so smart. When the clerk leaves the desk, Corey F rushes to the counter and steals the register, hiding under the desk with it. There’s a useful curtain covering the under desk space. When the clerk returns, he looks everywhere for the register except for under the desk. A customer asks for her key and oh my gosh it’s totally Lina. Corey F hears her voice and knows it’s her. He spots that the clerk takes key 913. Once Lina leaves, the clerk returns to his search so Rachel creates a distraction by tripping over a sign. The register is returned, Corey F escapes etc and so forth. They make for the elevator. (I want to say “lift” but I’m translating here.)

There’s a notice that the 6th floor is under renovation, so Corey F leads Rachel off the elevator there because he needs a place to think about his plan of attack. Whatever. He’s thinking about how to get into the room when Rachel spots a cleaner’s closet which has master keys for all the floors. This is convenient, and also lets Rachel have a little “Women are smart too!” moment. Adorbs.

They head up to Lina’s room and knock on the door. There’s no answer, which is kind of strange as Lina just went up there. Letting themselves in with the master key, Corey F and Rachel rummage about in the room looking for the Magic Glasses. They also manage to get some more “Men vs Women” bickering in, but then the door is unlocked so they dive under the bed. Lina walks in with an Italian Stereotype who wants to buy the glasses. Lina hands him a pair and also has a pair, so I guess the Preacher was wearing an identical pair that wasn’t magical. If you’re going to make magical glasses, you should make them look different to ordinary glasses. That is my opinion, if anyone was wondering. I deal with the big issues.

Lina has put on the control pair of glasses, so when the Stereotype puts on the other pair he discusses the colours he can see while dropping his pants. Lina tells him to take his glasses off and he’s all shocked to see he’s not wearing pants. This is exactly how the glasses didn’t work before. The Stereotype offers $5 million for the glasses and Lina is all thrilled. He asks Lina to switch glasses with him and they have noisy sex, while Corey F and Rachel are stuck under the bed.

Remember Corey H? He’s still in prison, sleeping and dreaming that Corey F is about to shoot Rachel on a rooftop while the Gun Guy from before is egging him on. At the sound of the gunshot, Corey H wakes up to see a new prisoner being brought in. It’s the biker guy he’s been dreaming about. Corey H tells the guy he’s been dreaming about him, and the biker is really unimpressed. Corey H asks him to help with a channeling ESP thing to call on Corey F. The biker guy agrees to help, if Corey H smokes a cigarette. Corey H is all “I can’t because I’m so healthy” but there’s no option, the biker demands he smoke. This is making no sense at all. At. All. The next scene is Corey H and the biker back to back on the floor, meditating. The biker starts talking about knowing your heart and your will, and Corey H is excited because it means he’s channeling Coleman. Sure, why not.

Back in the hotel room, Corey F and Rachel are still under the bed while Lina and the Stereotype are sleeping. Corey F has also fallen asleep which lets us have another dream sequence – this one is of Corey H and the Biker in jail, meditating. This jumps to the other dream, with the shooting Rachel bit. Rachel wakes him up to tell him that Lina and the Stereotype are in the shower with the glasses. They hatch a cunning plan, popping Rachel into a maid uniform. Corey F is going to climb from the fire escape to the room window but it’s too high and he’s scared of heights. Rachel makes him go out there, which he does with a lot of shouting and screaming which probably won’t alert anyone to them being there. As he edges along the side of the building he chats to himself, which is also helpful when trying to remain hidden.

Rachel practices her accents in the hallway because only Spanish people work in hotels. Meanwhile, Corey F has slipped and grabbed a rail, screaming. Again, undercover secret. Rachel lets herself into the room, but Lina speaks Spanish and sends her away. Rachael doesn’t speak Spanish so there’s a comedy moment for you, if you were looking for one. While she’s arguing with Lina about languages, Corey F climbs in the window and picks up the glasses. As soon as he leaves, Rachel goes back to her usual voice and bids Lina a good day.

They rush back to the car, but the Gun Guy is in the back seat. They don’t see him because it’s a convertible, and are surprised when he pulls a gun on them. He leads them up to the 9th floor and they tell him which room Lina is in. The gun guy makes Corey F use the master key, but he pretend to drop it so he can elbow the guy in the groin because he’s all tough now. Rachel and Corey F rush down the hallway while the Gun Guy rolls around in pain. They take the stairs, because that’s slower and gives the gun guy the chance to take the elevator down and meet them from the bottom. They flee to the fire escape and Corey F is totally okay this time, climbing up the ladders without a bother. They decide to climb around the wall again, but Corey F has remembered he’s scared of heights and can’t move. A gunshot from below sends him out on the wall, where he’s a nice big flat target. Thankfully Gun Guy is a lousy shot.

Finding an open window, they climb in. It’s Lina’s room and as soon as she sees them she looks for the glasses, which aren’t there. So now Corey F and Rachel are being chased down by Gun Guy and Lina. They hide out on the 6th floor, which Gun Guy figures out because of his ESP (or shoddy script writing). He finds them within about 9 seconds, but then can’t find them inside the room. They’re in the bathroom. As Gun Guy creeps toward them, Corey F brains him with a can of paint. Then they hide in a laundry cart, but talk at normal volume. These two don’t really understand “Hiding.”

Just as Gun Guy sits up again, Lina knocks him out. She does some glaring and then we’re in the laundry cart again, which someone is pushing. At least they’re whispering this time. When the cart stops, Corey F sticks his head out from under the sheets and sees Lina pointing a gun at him. “Ride’s over,” she says because Witty One Liner. Well, one liner anyway. Corey F hands over the glasses, or a pair like them, and Lina handcuffs them both to a bed. Corey F says something snarky and Lina fake-punches him and knocks him out. Yay, dream sequence! More Corey H and Biker meditating, back to the roof with the shooting Rachel thing and Corey H saying “Look into your heart.” Corey F comes to with Rachel being all concerned about him because they’re probably in love now. I’m right, they kiss. For ages. A couple of workmen wander in and spot them. The workmen kindly cut the cuffs off. The workmen don’t have lines, just chewing gum.

There’s only 15 minutes before the Stereotype comes back with the money, so Corey F and Rachel go up to the room. Gun Guy wakes up again. If he’s been having prophetic dreams, he’s keeping them to himself. The workmen hear him fall over or something.

On the roof, the Stereotype and Lina are making the trade. Corey F appears to tell him he has the real glasses and the pair Lina has are fakes. “He’s lying!” says Lina, but Corey F runs down and knocks the glasses out of her hands, mixing up the pairs. They each grab a pair of glasses from the ground and put them on. How can we ever know what pair ended up where? Apart from how they apparently make you see special colours. Oh and the controlling people thing.

Lina looks around and says “Right, the only thing to do is stand perfectly still until the police get here” because she’s ended up with the controlled glasses and Corey F has the controlling glasses. Lucky! While the Stereotype is being annoyed, Gun Guy bursts out of the door and takes Corey F’s glasses. Holding a gun to Rachel’s head, he tells Corey F to put on the other pair, and now it’s just like the dream with the shooting Rachel and laughing and stuff. In case we forgot, the scene cuts between this live scene and the dream sequence.

It’s okay though, because Corey H and the biker are still meditating. Gun Guy tells Corey F he’s going to shoot all the people and then himself. I still don’t know who Gun Guy is, other than a guy with a gun. Except he doesn’t have a gun at the moment, because he’s given it to Corey F, who could therefore probably take off the glasses and stop the controlling. You know, if he wanted to.

"It's okay, we made it. This movie is almost over"

“It’s okay, we made it. This movie is almost over”

Gun Guy wanders over to stand next to Rachel, while Corey H’s chanting fills the soundtrack “Know your heart, know your will.” This is helpful, stops Corey F from shooting Rachel and leads him to shoot Gun Guy in the leg instead. Slow motion Corey F/Rachel Hug.

Back to the jail, Corey H is educating the Biker on new age stuff. A guard arrives to let Corey H out because the charges have been dropped. Back at the house, they are discussing the glasses and what to do them. Corey F says that since Coleman wanted them to use the glasses to communicate better with each other, there was no need to keep them. He smashes them and dumps them in the bin. “As for communicating with Coleman,” he says, “We always have our dreams.” Corey F delivers this line as though it has caused him actual pain. More kissing, roll credits.

I’m afraid my reaction to this movie can be summed up thusly: LOL WUT? Sorry, won’t happen again. So these magical glasses, to get to the crux of the plot issues. At the start of the movie they make people do what the other person desires deep down inside. Person A has always wanted Person B to behave a certain way, so the glasses make Person B behave that way even if Person A isn’t really thinking about them behaving that way at the time. With me? Good. Then for no reason at all, they swapped to “Do what I tell you, or what I’m thinking about.”  Also all of a sudden the person being controlled has no memory of being controlled, except then they do again.

Who was Lina? How did she know about the glasses at all? Who was the Gun Guy? How did he know about the glasses at all? Why would Coleman, who it was proven in the first movie was pretty handy with the paranormal stuff, choose sunglasses for this? Why? Won’t someone please tell me why?

The dream sequences just became comical by the end (well, something had to because the script sure wasn’t – burn on you whoever-wrote-this!). The Coreys were just randomly being knocked out or falling asleep in order to cram another dream into the plot – this is entirely due to the movie title. If someone had decided to reunite the two Coreys in “Licence to Drive 2” there would have been lines like “I don’t know if I can walk, we better drive.” Since they went with this though, they had to have a ton of dreams.

There’s not even that many dreams in the first movie, although the body switcheroo is dream based. I know, I have to let the first movie go. I can’t, I really like it. While we’re on the first movie, I’m not sure why Corey F’s character turned into a misogynistic jerk. Unless it was to create some tension with Rachel to make their eventual smooching more… smoochy?

As terrible as this movie was (and it was terrible), I think I’ll keep my Corey Scrapbook. I’ll just pretend I never, ever saw Dream a Little Dream 2 if that’s okay with you.

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