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I guess I just like liking things

Well, folks, that’s that. I didn’t quite take us a full year to get through 26 episodes, so that’s something!  It should also make you quite leery of me trying something more ambitious like Star Trek, Seinfeld, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

While I know the majority of you that followed along were fans of the show before we started, my hope is that these write-ups have encouraged a couple of people to give it a try. I’ve seen the show through several times now (I think at least five, but I’m not entirely sure), and it’s weird what happens when I’m done. I’ll think, “That was fun, I’m glad I did that, but that’s it, I’m done with the show for a long time.” Then in a couple of weeks, I’ll sit down to eat lunch and want something short to watch while I eat, and I’ll think, “Oh, I should watch an episode of Better Off Ted.” And then it starts all over again.  No regrets!

I thought about going through and breaking down the coworkers and commercials and giving a bunch of stats on things that showed up, but I decided to instead consolidate the full list of inventions and ideas that the show had.  Some of these were mentioned in passing, some were purely hypothetical, some were the focus of the whole episode, and some were actually seen in use.  In “The Long and Winding High Road” (S02E09), Linda says, “I’m starting to feel like a Bond villain,” and I can’t think of a better way to introduce the list:


S01E01 Metal as hard as steel but can bounce like rubber and is edible
S01E01 A mouse that can withstand temperatures of up to 195 degrees (computer mouse)
S01E01 Weaponized pumpkins
S01E01 Strong, dark (and itchy) fabric – used in office chairs – “The Focus Master”
S01E01 Suspended animation – “We wanna freeze Phil”
S01E02 Extra fun mac and cheese
S01E02 Cowless meat
S01E02 Retinal scan technology
S01E02 Next generation of pepper spray
S01E02 a Cyborg that can kill without remorse (but can’t tell the difference between soldiers and children)
S01E03 Deadly new weapons system
S01E03 Line of diet foods that involves a green putty
S01E04 Automated systems that see every skin tone except black
S01E05 Solar-powered oven
S01E05 Experimental energy patch that looks like a band-aid
S01E05 Pills that look like candy
S01E05 Hands that can shoot lightning
S01E05 A new generation of hurricane-proof dogs
S01E06 A million fish in Lake Michigan grew fur – listed as a mistake, but still a pretty interesting development, I think!
S01E06 Some sort of experiment in which the crash dummy needs to be hit by a train
S01E06 Personal jetpack, which Lem gets to try out and the plot even hinges on
S01E06 The octo-chicken, one of my favorite inventions ever, even if the very thought of it weaving webs and chasing people freaks me out as much as it does Linda
S01E07 Cleaner that kills everything, which is why Veridian isn’t allowed to sell it
S01E08 Taste-Altering Brain Implant – a nanodevice surgically implanted in the braing that makes everything a person eat taste sweet. “Elective brain surgery still tested higher than diet and exercise.”
S01E09 The Voice of God (hypersonic sound, H.S.S.)
S01E09 Dr. Bhamba’s biocomputer (“Johnny”)
S01E10 Fabric softener that will make all the Aborigines in Australia lose their sense of smell
S01E10 Soldier-tracking GPS underwear
S01E10 Wheelchair that climbs stairs that Linda’s cousin uses
S01E10 Turning an innocent panda into an assassin
S01E10 Zurplex, the number the accounting guys invented for tax purposes
S01E10 Perfume that makes 3/5,000 women attract hornets that want to mate with them
S01E10 Something Lem whipped up in the lab to calm himself which causes him to wear sunglasses in the building and say “This is nice. The air feels like Jell-O.”
S01E10 Some sort of pasta sauce that Bhamba takes the fall for
S01E11 7-year battery
S01E11 Hovershoes
S01E11 Weight-loss toothpaste
S01E11 Wrinkle cream that turns out to be hair growth formula that turns out to be technically a parasite
S01E11 Genetically engineered flying koala bear
S01E12 Unbreakable plate
S01E12 Teeth whitener (that would also kill all the world’s fish)
S01E12 Plove, a plate that is also a stove
S01E12 Bioluminescence (granted, they didn’t really invent this, they mixed firefly abilities with other things)
S01E12 Fire-squirrel
S01E13 Image-based search engine – I’m pretty sure Google stole this idea from Veridian
S01E13 Container full of eyes
S01E13 Carnivorous shoes (theoretical)
S02E01 Nutrition pellets
S02E01 Super fast-growing moss for astronauts
S02E02 Super lice
S02E02 Lem’s hearty fish chowder that Veridian sold to the FAA, who uses it to spray down the tarmac when a plane’s coming in for a hard landing
S02E02 Hush-a-boom technology, when your army wants to get in and out without waking the neighbors and one of my favorite Veridian inventions ever
S02E03 Super Long-lasting lightbulbs
S02E03 Scented lightbulbs
S02E03 Helmet that feeds people cheeseburgers (Stella Clifton Idea, but was an actual project that got pulled after it fed one of the test subjects to death)
S02E03 Remote control for underpants (Stella Clifton Idea)
S02E03 Toaster that can handle a pizza bagel
S02E03 Popcorn that pops from the heat in your mouth, which I think would kill more people than a helmet that feeds you?
S02E04 Cheese that never spoils
S02E04 Super-fast spy pigeon (also wireless)
S02E04 Dieoxolater defibulation splung manifold (Lem broke it)
S02E05 Beaker of bald eagle stem cells
S02E06 Veridian Sleep System – if you can stand the noise for three minutes, you’ll sleep like a baby
S02E06 Reindeer potpies
S02E06 Trap door in the lobby
S02E07 New PA system
S02E07 The smallest squirrel science can make
S02E08 Meals-Ready-To-Eat
S02E08 Genital X-ray Project
S02E08 14-foot Soldier (theoretical)
S02E09 Magnetic gear so kids can experience weightlessness: The Floater, The Astro-Nut, The Dream Glider
S02E09 Corpse-eating Battlefield Robot (make sure to wave your hands when you say this)
S02E09 Fat-free cinnamon rolls
S02E10 Multi-language translator device
S02E10 Long-range people-skinning laser
S02E10 Man-eating ficus
S02E10 Talking frying pan
S02E10 Perfectly balanced aerodynamic bagel
S02E11 none!
S02E12 Lie Detector
S02E12 The Galaxy Omega project, which will change the way we communicate with animals
S02E12 A pill that makes people shop
S02E13 Car that runs on saltwater (though Ted’s comments would make me file this one under D for “Dubious”


Thanks for watching along with me. I really hope you enjoyed the series and the write-ups.  I’ll have news soon about the next long-term project.

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