zwolanerd

 

White & Nerdy is one of my favorite Weird Al songs. It’s just so relatable, man. At least, I always felt like it was related.  I’m white, I’m nerdy – seems like I fit the bill.  But I thought maybe I should break it down piece by piece to see if I meet the qualifications in the song.

They see me mowin’ / My front lawn

Right off the bat I’m in trouble.  My retired neighbor mows my lawn. I think he (correctly) assumes I wouldn’t take as good care of it as he does and he doesn’t want property values to drop. He says it’s because he wants to be out of the house more, but I don’t know.

I wanna roll with / The gangsters

No, sir, I do not.

First in my class here at M.I.T.

I wasn’t even first in my high school class and I didn’t attend M.I.T.

Got skills, I’m a Champion of D&D

I’ve never even played a game of D&D, aside from about a half hour of my cousin trying to teach it to us when I was… 7? 8? In my defense, I’ve long wanted to give it a try but I don’t have anyone around me who knows how to run a game.

MC Escher that’s my favorite MC

I do enjoy MC Escher drawings.

Keep your 40 / I’ll just have an Earl Grey tea

I don’t like 40s (which I think means beer?) or Earl Grey tea.

My rims never spin to the contrary / You’ll find they’re quite stationary

Yes, this is true.

All of my action figures are cherry

I have three Tick action figures that are still in the original packaging, but my TMNT and Batman figures have all been freed and played with.

Steven Hawking’s in my library

No, he is not. Nor are any of his books.

My MySpace page is all totally pimped out

Even when I actively kept track of my MySpace page it wasn’t all gussied up.

I got people begging for my top 8 spaces

Never happened even once.

Yo I know Pi to a thousand places

I know pi to exactly 4 places.

Ain’t got no grills but I still wear braces

Never had braces

I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise

I think mayonnaise is disgusting.

I’m a whiz at minesweeper I can play for days / Once you see my sweet moves you’re gonna stay amazed, / my fingers movin’ so fast I’ll set the place ablaze

While I enjoy Minesweeper, it bothers me that you cannot solve the puzzles using logic only. There are times when you have to make a blind click and I feel that’s a design flaw.

There’s no killer app I haven’t run

There are many killer apps I haven’t run.

At Pascal, well, I’m number 1

Closest I ever got was taking a FORTRAN class in college. I enjoyed the logic of programming but not the act.

Do vector calculus just for fun

I’m not even sure vector calculus is a real thing.

I ain’t got a gat but I got a soldering gun

My dad gave me a soldering gun once. I think he had high hopes for me. Sorry, Dad :(

“Happy Days” is my favourite theme song

At one point in my life this was actually true. I didn’t make my recent list, though.

I can sure kick your butt in a game of ping pong

No, I can’t.

I’ll ace any trivia quiz you bring on

I’ll do fairly well at trivia games, but not “any one you bring on.” My brother is the one you need to watch out for on these.

I’m fluent in JavaScript as well as Klingon

Nope and nope. I looked into learning Java once and backed away quickly. Klingon hurts my throat.

They see me roll on, my Segway!

I did get to ride a Segway once!  I think it’s the sort of thing I could come to like.

I’ve been browsing, inspectin’ / X-men comics you know I collect ’em

My collection of comics is limited to collected trades and graphic novels, and I have fewer than 50, mostly focused on Batman and Spider-Man.

The pens in my pocket / I must protect ’em

For a time when I worked at a hardware store when I was a teenager, I did wear a pocket protector and I found it to be quite handy, thank you very much.

my ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored

I always thought it would be a good thing to get one of these, but I don’t type correctly so I’m guessing it would be a nightmare.  I use a sort of fast hunt-and-peck with a little muscle memory thrown in. I do all right, but I usually have to look at what I’m typing, and even then I make frequent mistakes.  I keep thinking I’ll learn to type correctly some day, but it hasn’t happened yet.

Shopping online for deals on some writable media

Who doesn’t shop online?

I edit Wikipedia

I’ve had some corrections I have wanted to make, but I haven’t actually gone ahead and made them.

I memorized “Holy Grail” really well / I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL

I know bits and pieces of it, of course! And I also know that no one says ROTFLOL. It’s just ROFL, Al.

I got a business doing web sites

I was a webmaster for a small college 15+ years ago, back when HTML was pretty much all you had and you lined everything up with tables. I’ve looked at CSS and the whatever else is going on these days and no, thank you.

When my friends need some code who do they call?

Someone else.

I do HTML for them all

No, I don’t.

Even made a homepage for my dog!

One of my cats has a Facebook page, does that count?  Yes, I’m that guy. In my defense, it was mostly so I could see the process of how to run a fan page.

Yo! Got myself a fanny pack /they were having a sale down at the GAP

I did have a fanny pack when I was a kid. The only time I wore it was when I went to Six Flags. I’d stuff that thing full of Skittles so I had something to snack on all day.

Spend my nights with a roll of bubble wrap / POP POP! Hope no one sees me gettin’ freaky!

I do not get freaky with bubble wrap.

I’m nerdy in the extreme and whiter than sour cream

I’m more a low-level nerd and I’m more pink.

I was in AV club and Glee club and even the chess team!

I was not in any of those things. Granted, we didn’t have any of those things at my high school.

Only question I ever thought was hard / Was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?

I do not think this is a hard question. I’d rather have Picard as my captain on a day-to-day basis, but in a crisis Kirk is the man now, dog.

I spend every weekend / at the renaissance fair

I have never been to one.

I got my name on my underwear!

No, I most certainly do not.

So according to this song, I’m really not very nerdy at all.  Bummer :(

Tags: Weird Al

Written by: Mark