November 20, 2014 Assassin’s Creed: Unity
I am completely invested in the Assassin-Templar war. I’m on it, I dig it, and I don’t much care that it most likely won’t ever end. I’m signed on for the whole Animus thing and digging into memories, and I even don’t mind the “hey, we figured out how to relive memories of people you aren’t related to!” explanation. I like running around recreations of old cities and leaping from 50 feet in the air to stab a dirty rotten Templar right through his dirty rotten Templar head. I’m all in, I am predisposed to liking your next game, I want to like your next game.
So why you gotta make it so hard to do that?
First the good stuff:
- The game is beautiful. Revolution-era Paris is teeming with angry people who live in a vibrant, active city.
- There are plenty of opportunities to stab jerks and Templars (Not all jerks are Templars, though I’m pretty sure all Templars are jerks)
- You can play in groups with your friends (I assume. I mean, it’s all there waiting to be tried, but I don’t have friends who are playing, I guess?)
- No more dealing with Desmond.
It’s more of the same, which is pretty much what I want out of a sequel. But there are things, things that irritate me and make it difficult for me to like the game (let alone love it):
- Too many people! Yes, it’s super neat that there can be crowds all over Paris, it’s very impressive. You know what’s not impressive? Trying to run through wall-to-wall crowds. Yes, I’m aware that I could run on rooftops, but
- The buildings aren’t close enough together for long runs, and there’s too much stuff on the roofs (rooves?) to make it a smooth experience anyway.
- Something is different with the melee fighting and it stinks. Used to be if I was surrounded by 10 enemies I’d be all “Tally-ho!” and make short work of them. Now if there’s three I’m pretty much dead. A lot of that is because there are more guns now, and I don’t have a good way of getting a guy who’s three stories up and sniping me while I’m trying to deal with two other jerks hacking at me with swords or pikes or hammers. “Go around and get all those rooftop guys first!” you say? Lovely plan, except you don’t necessarily know when you’re going to draw the ire of the groundjerks, so you wouldn’t know which roofjerks to have offed ahead of time.
- You can run through houses and buildings as of a couple games ago, but it’s expanded even more in this one. But once you’re inside the camera gets crazy, and the camera isn’t great even when you’re outside. “Who is stabbing me?!?” I keep saying.
- The second-screen experience(s) are confusing. You can get the app and you can also go to the Initiates website. Both let you do different things, but they boil down to “send members of your Assassin team off to do things which will earn you stuff in the actual game.” I will admit that it’s very cool to see an overall map of Paris on your phone with an icon of Arno in the game moving in real time, but “neat” and “useful” aren’t necessarily the same thing. Plus, the website isn’t actually functioning yet, so who knows what’s going on over there? These things could be enhancing my enjoyment of the game, but it’s doing more to frustrate me than anything. I go up to a chest marked on my map in the actual game and try to open it, only to be told “Do [insert ridiculous quest] in the app to open this chest in the game!” and I’m starting to think the game was made by Templars.
- There are lots things to collect (which is good, to me, anyway), but the map is very, very cluttered (which bad). You can filter the map by certain things (good), but sometimes the things you want to see at the same time are on two different filters (bad). All this and no frogurt (cursed or otherwise).
I’m still planning to play all the way through, assuming the glitches don’t get bad enough to prevent that, but I just wish I was enjoying it more.
Tags: Assassin's Creed
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November 19, 2014 Lyn Plays Holiday Lemmings
I loved Lemmings, I played it a heap. A mix of addictive puzzle solving and satisfying outcomes made it a great little game well deserving of “classic” status (if it doesn’t have classic status, then everyone but me is wrong). I was less in love with 3D Lemmings as it was a bit of a stress getting the camera in the right spot to catch the lemmings, and also they’re kind of less adorable when more detailed. The teeny low rez lemmings are charming.
If you do grab this game – and it’s around on Abandonware sites – I strongly recommend turning off the music. I mention it in the video as well, but the music will drive you to distraction unless you’re a fan of those musical Christmas cards. Are you? You can tell me, I’ll only judge you lightly.
Know any other old festive games? Let me know and I’ll see if I can find them.
Tags: LynPlays
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November 18, 2014 Tuesday 50: The Top 50 Video Games of All Time
Right off the bat you should know I’m not responsible for the list. We’ve talked about this: there’s no way I’d ever be able to make a list like this. I am certainly happy, however, to respond to lists other people make. This one is from Business Insider, which seems like a weird place to read a Top 50 Videogames list.
I’ll bold the ones I’ve played and I already want to gripe because Q*bert’s not on the list. There’s a definite Q*bert prejudice in most of these lists because everyone’s blind to the truth.
50. “Disney Infinity” – I have been strongly considering this one, mostly because the figures you can buy look super cool. Having to buy the figures is what’s keeping me from buying it, though.
49. “Star Fox 64” – I played it a little at a friend’s house, and that’s the best story I have for you about it. I do like to use “Do a barrel roll!” every so often, though. The words themselves, not the action the words suggest.
48. “Silent Hill” (franchise) – I played the first one but never finished it. Horror games aren’t really my thing.
47. “Resident Evil” (franchise) – Remember when the zombie dogs jumped through the window in the first one? Dadgum! The last one I played a lot of was Code Veronica on the Dreamcast, but I never finished it. Haven’t been much interested in the series since.
46. “Wave Racer 64” – The first time I ever rented an N64 I rented this game and… some other game. This is the one we played nonstop, though. The wave physics were amazing.
45. “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out!!” – If I played this for more than ten minutes all together I’d be surprised.
44. “Dragon Age” – I’ve played the first two and hope to get Inquisition this week.
43. “Okami” – Never played it but always sort of wanted to. It looks beautiful.
42. “Dark Souls” – I had the chance to get this for free a couple months back and didn’t. Everything I’ve heard about it sums up with “SO VERY HARD,” and I don’t have much interest in that.
41. “SoulCalibur” (franchise) – The first two games I bought for (and with) my Dreamcast were NFL2K and Soul Calibur. I’m not very good at fighting games and the storyline for this series confuses me, but I still love it.
40. “Super Smash Bros.” (franchise) – Ugh. I don’t see the appeal of these. I even played the PlayStation version (whatever it was called) and no, thanks.
39. “Wii Sports” – I’m all about that bowling, that bowling, no anything else on the disc. Just like everyone else. Really the only game I ever spent any time on with the Wii.
38. “Destiny” – Nope, but a friend of mine has put in over 220 hours, so I’ve experienced it by proxy.
37. “Skyrim” – Love it. Some day I’ll go back and finish up the DLC, even.
36. “Super Mario Kart” (franchise) — I stink at these.
35. “Journey”
34. “LittleBigPlanet” (franchise) – Platforming and building your own levels are two of my least favorite things to do. This focuses on both.
33. “R.B.I. Baseball” – Probably played it? I don’t remember much about it, though.
32. “Madden NFL” (franchise) – I played the very first one(s) on PC and every one after that on Genesis. I loved the series until the 2K series came out and I saw how much better football games could be. I’m still bitter about the NFL rights monopoly EA has. The NFL is jerks for giving it to them and EA is a bunch of scaredy-cats for needing it in the first place.
31 “Psychonauts” – It’s my list of “I should really play this sometime” though.
30. “Mario Tennis”
29. “Uncharted” (franchise) – This made the list but Tomb Raider didn’t? You wouldn’t have this without Tomb Raider, you posers. This list sucks and I regret using it.
28. “Guitar Hero” (franchise) – It was good, but Rock Band was better.
27. “Mass Effect” – Well this isn’t nearly high enough on the list.
26. “Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater” (franchise) – I liked the first two so well on the PlayStation that I bought them again on my Dreamcast. I was okay at it back then, but I sure am bad at it now.
25. “GoldenEye 64” – One of the few games I loved multiplayer on. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had a bunch of guys over and played this into the wee hours.
24. “Kingdom Hearts” – I like the idea of it but apparently not enough to try it.
23. “Red Dead Redemption” – I was surprised at how much I liked this one.
22. “Final Fantasy” (franchise) – The only one I’ve ever played all the way through is VII. I tried VIII and XIII, but didn’t like them much.
21. “Half-Life 2” – One of only two games to ever cause me motion sickness, but it was so good I played it anyway.
20. “Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time” – The original 2D platformer was one of the most amazing games I’d ever played back in the early 90s. I am terrible at it now, but back then I could finish it in less than 45 minutes. The new series is a fun evolution of it, but I am easily frustrated by it.
19. “Metal Gear Solid” – That first one blew me away. The following ones had fun gameplay mixed in with tedious cutscenes and I’ve never finished III and IV.
18. “Shadow of the Colossus” – I really wanted to play through this, but I could not get past the control scheme.
17. “Batman: Arkham Asylum” (series) – This series is also too low on the list.
16. “The Last of Us” – I’ve heard good things, but the God of War series is the only Playstation-only series I’ve ever played. Seems unlikely I’ll ever get to this one.
15. “Assassin’s Creed” (franchise) – The newest one (Unity) is driving me absolutely crazy, but I still love the series overall. I don’t know why I enjoy collecting things in games so much, but I really, really do.
14. “Call of Duty” (franchise) – I’ve played one or two of them, but I couldn’t tell you which ones without looking it up, and I can’t be bothered right now because meh.
13. “Contra” – One of the first games I ever played on an NES and the first time I’d ever heard of cheat codes. I miss cheat codes.
12. “Donkey Kong” (franchise) – The original and Donkey Kong, Jr. are the only two I’ve played, but they don’t really mean those, so I’m not counting it.
11. “Metroid” – Maybe I played an NES one back in the day? I honestly don’t remember.
10. “Grand Theft Auto” (franchise) – The only one I’ve played all the way through is Vice City, and that was most likely because it was set in the 80s. I’ve tried the original top-down ones and IV, but I couldn’t manage the former and couldn’t get interested in the latter.
9. “Sonic the Hedgehog” – I don’t know why I love this series that I am so, so bad at. I’m also starting to recognize that I like a lot of games I’m bad at. What does that say about me?
8. “BioShock” (franchise) – Fantastic storytelling.
7. “Portal” (franchise) – I love these so much.
6. “Halo” (franchise) – I played all the way through III, and I think that’s the only one I ever have. But I have Cortana on my Windows Phone, so that’s pretty cool.
5. “Minecraft” – I resisted for a long time, but I sure do like digging pits in it now. It borders on an obsession, really. You can build all the fancy temples you want, I’ll just be over here digging a 10x10x64 block pit forever.
4. “Pokémon” – Looks somewhat fun, and the collecting aspect certainly appeals to me, but I’m not a Nintendo guy.
3. “The Legend of Zelda” – I bet I’d like at least one game in this series, but again… not a Nintendo guy.
2. “Tetris” – I still have my original GameBoy and this cartridge somewhere, and that’s still the best version ever.
1. “Super Mario Bros.” – I’ve played most of these at least a little, but I never much cared for Mario as a character.
The more I got into this list the less I liked it. Ah, well.
That’s 34 for me. How many for you?
Tags: Tuesday10
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November 17, 2014 Movie Monday: Interstellar
Spoiler Alert: There’s space travel
I saw Interstellar over the weekend and I liked it a lot.
I could just stop there and we’d probably all be fine, but that sort of thing doesn’t keep the lights on around here, so buckle up!
First and foremost, I’m not going to pretend I understood all the science behind the movie, and, honestly, it doesn’t matter. I did understand what they were doing and why they were doing it, so within the confines of the movie, I got what I needed to get. If someone needs to send me towards any black holes to do something, I’ll worry about the actual science of it it then. Until that time, I’m fine with what they did.
As many have said, the movie is reminiscent of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Here’s the thing: I did not really care for 2001: A Space Odyssey. Yes, I enjoyed parts of it, but when it gets to the ending, I’m out. I’ve read all about what the ending’s supposed to be and yada yada yada, I just don’t care. Sorry. Add it to the list of movies I should like but don’t. Weird, then, that I would like Interstellar so much, right? Nope. Interstellar, for all of its wandering among the stars, is way more human. The relationships between people are the core of this movie – without the central father-daughter relationship the movie just wouldn’t work.
That’s the best scifi, though, right? Star Trek’s point is “here’s where humanity could go,” and technology devoid of human relationships gets us The Matrix (the construct, not the movie). The question of doing things for yourself or doing things for the greater good is posed several times in this movie, and giving the question such a grand scale can help a person consider the same question in their own circumstances. “How would I act in that situation?” can give way to “How should I be acting in the actual situation I’m in right now?” I’m all for lightsaber duels and huge space battles, but my favorite scifi makes me think about my own choices and future, where “my” can refer to both “me” and “humanity at large.” There were several points in the movie that made me tear up, and some of those points weren’t even sad on their own – it was what those moments paralleled or contrasted in my life.
I think the best review I can give of the movie is that it’s almost three hours long but I didn’t notice. I never once looked at the clock.
Also: I want a TARS of my very own. He was instantly one of my favorite movie robots ever.
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November 14, 2014 Red Dwarf S07E01: Tikka to Ride
Warning: This post spoils an episode of television that aired almost 18 years ago. Like, completely spoils it. If you intend to watch it some time and don’t want to know what happens, it will be too bad if you’ve read this post. Just so you know.
From left: Kryten, The Cat, Lister, & Rimmer
I’m having a little difficulty wrapping my head around what happened on this show last night, so let’s just start with some basics. First, what the show is about:
“The adventures of the last human alive and his friends, stranded three million years into deep space on the mining ship Red Dwarf.”
Now the main characters:
- Lister: The last remaining human
- Rimmer: A hologram of a human that had served on Red Dwarf
- The Cat: A human-like being descended from the ship’s cat (which wasn’t even supposed to be onboard – Lister smuggled him on)
- Kryten: A service android they picked up along the way
- Holly: The ship’s computer, but s/he wasn’t in this particular episode
The show is a British scifi sitcom that aired from 1998 to… well, the last bit was in 2012. There’ve been gaps of many years between some seasons, and IMDb has left the end date open, so there might be more eventually? Hard to say. As of right now there are 61 episodes, ten seasons of 6 (or so) episodes apiece, and I’ve been watching them on Hulu.
Now that we’re all caught up, let’s talk about what happened in this episode, entitled “Tikka to Ride.”
The ship has no more curry or vindaloo (Lister’s favorite stuff ever), but they do have a time-traveling device. Lister talks them into going back in time to pick some up, and something goes weird and they end up in Dallas on November 22, 1963. That date might ring a bell for some of you, as it’s the day JFK was assassinated. As luck would have it, they’ve beamed in to the fifth floor of the Texas School Book Depository.
Let’s stop there for a minute. It’s not unusual for time-traveling movies and episodes to deal with famous events – that’s part of the fun, right? Oh, hey, the X-Men fixed the Cuban Missile Crisis, and Marty McFly was able to get his parents together, yay! And I think I’ve even seen some time-travel shows that dealt with JFK’s assassination in some way or another, but not quite like this. Let’s continue:
The team doesn’t notice Lee Harvey Oswald in the corner, and in the process of moving around accidentally bump him out the window, then drop a window onto his hands, and then drop him six floors to the street below. Soon police burst into the room and are about to arrest them when they beam out with the time device.
Okay, stop again. Not only are they indirectly involved in the assassination, it’s all handled in a very slapstick-y manner. During this whole scene I keep shaking my head, unable to process it.
It turns out they’ve beamed three years into the future, and Dallas is deserted. They find one dead body out on the street, and then find a newspaper which informs them that JFK lived, but was impeached a few years later because he shared a mistress with a mob boss, but before he was impeached, the mob had made him let the Russians have a missile base in Cuba so that the mob could get in on some drug trafficking. Because of the missile base so close to American soil, all major cities have been abandoned. And, somewhere in the process of all that, Kryten cooks up and serves to the rest of the team the man they’d found on the sidewalk, thinking it’d be all right since humans eat chicken (and because Lister had removed Kryten’s guilt chip so he’d let them go back in time in the first place).
Stopping again. Slapstick assassinations, Presidential affairs, impeachments, mob ties to the government, and cannibalism. And the show is only a half hour long!
The team figures out that they need to let JFK die or everything gets messed up (even for them, as their ship is no longer where it was – since the Russians won the space race, Red Dwarf never existed). So they go back in time to the Depository, but make it so Oswald has to go up a floor (since their previous selves were on the “right” floor), but it ends up being no good because it’s farther away and Oswald doesn’t get enough shots in and JFK is only wounded. (Please note: this puts Oswald on the sixth floor, which is where he shot from in our actual history.)
I am still shaking my head, wide-eyed.
Now they’re stumped, because they can’t keep going back in time because the floors are rapidly filling up. “Oh, wait,” they figure out, “We can just get someone to shoot from the grassy knoll.”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.
The question is, who? They are stumped again for a while, until Lister says, “I know what to do,” and they beam out again. Next we see Lister in the prison transport truck in Alternate 1966, talking to an arrested JFK. Lister explains the situation, that JFK’s legacy will only happen if JFK dies, so Alternate JFK goes back with them to 1963 and becomes the shooter on the grassy knoll, killing himself. As Alternate JFK turns and walks away, he fades away, since now he never existed. The timeline is restored.
After all that, the guys get back to their ship just fine, but they still don’t have any curry.
I have never seen anything quite like this episode. Sure, I’ve seen shows and movies handle assassinations humorously (think Zoolander or Grosse Pointe Blank), but there seems to be something different when it’s about an actual assassination that happened. Of course, I’m an American watching a British show about an American event, so that helps put it into perspective, and I think that makes most of the difference here. What I mean is, the show was funny and very cleverly written. Yes, I couldn’t believe it was happening, but while it was I was equal parts dumbfounded and humored. If an American show had tried to do the same thing, I don’t know that it would have worked. At one point The Cat referred to JFK as “America’s king,” and it helps to have their viewpoint: not only are these people three million years removed from this event, but they’re British besides. The assassination was never going to mean the same thing to them that it has to Americans.
As I’ve said more than once here, the importance of stories, whether they be books, movies, or TV shows, is that they can help us see things from perspective we wouldn’t normally have. I’m not suggesting that Americans not be so affected by tragedies that have happened in/to our country, but I am suggesting that it’s important to think about such things are viewed by those who aren’t Americans. It can be easy for a citizen of any country to see things only through the lens of being a citizen in that country, and I’m saying that it might be beneficial for us to step outside that every so often.
All that said, I have no interest whatsoever in ever having vindaloo. No, thank you.
Tags: Red Dwarf
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