August 28, 2013 Star Trek (The Game) Review
Let’s shoot a bunch of things! With phasers!
The instant you slap the Star Trek label on something my interest is piqued. Years and years of great Trek have conditioned me to salivate when that bell is rung again. I went into the 2009 movie with some trepidation, but I was still inclined to like it. And I did! …mostly. It was, as Scotty himself said in the movie, exciting. Boom boom powsplosions all over the place. I even liked the time travel causing a new future angle, as in my mind that meant they couldn’t have gotten to this timeline without the original timeline, so it didn’t erase anything, it just split off. Next time you’re hanging out with me I’ll draw you a diagram that makes it work in my mind. I’d reproduce it here but it’s best if it’s crazily scribbled on a napkin in a diner.
Then this summer we got Star Trek Into Darkness. I liked it okay, but now have even more problems with this version of Trek. You’ve likely heard all the gripes before, so I won’t dwell on them, but I will briefly touch on them: the new Trek focuses on the shiny and the bombast and the look and the explosions to the exclusion of the characters and the point. If we didn’t have Previous Trek imprinting itself over these characters so we had some idea of who they are we wouldn’t have any idea about any of them. In the original series, we didn’t just get told that Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are the best of friends, we saw it over and over. I understand that the movies don’t have as much time as 79 hours of TV do, but you’re working through a series of films here, people, take some time to build this stuff. Having Spock Prime tell New Spock he should be friends with New Kirk because Spock Prime and Kirk Prime were the best of friends robs all four of the characters of a little something, I feel. New Trek wants to separate itself out from Classic Trek while at the same time using Classic Trek as a shortcut to attach meaning and depth.
My current views on the movie series: I like it well enough, but it isn’t real Trek.
But the title of this article says this is a game review? Yes. But to get to that, I had to go through what the deal is with the movies, because what the movies do a little, the game does a lot. Shoot this, shoot that, shoot another thing, and then run around, and then shoot a bigger thing. It’s all action, no exploring, no “this is the best of us because we worked out all the bad stuff,” (a philosophy I find hopeful but ridiculous at the same time, because it’s clearly not happening, but it’s essential to what Trek is, so its absence makes the new stuff pale even more).
I like the storyline: the remaining Vulcans are trying to find a new planet to live on, and in the process have created a device to help them, except that the device causes space rips and all of a sudden there are Gorn everywhere. Now the Gorn want the device and Kirk and Spock have to stop them [by shooting everything]. The movie cast voice their characters, and Simon Pegg seems to be having as much fun as usual, but Zoe Saldana sounds like she’d rather be anywhere else doing anything else. The supporting cast isn’t in it much, though, as it’s pretty much Kirk and Spock shooting things on the Enterprise, then on New Vulcan, then on a Gorn Ship, with a few “dodge the space debris” jumps like both movies have had so far. Camera and control issues combined with the lack of Trekness made this a much less enjoyable game than it could have been.
But I need to say a few things about what I liked, right? That’s kind of our deal around here. So here you are, the things I liked:
- The Gorn redesign is pretty good for the most part. They’re like terrifying dinosaur people now.
- The very, very small parts where you could walk around bits of the Enterprise. However, it made me wish they had created a whole Enterprise that I could wander about freely. How hard would that be, hmm? Not very, I’m thinking. Really, it made me want a Star Trek/Mass Effect hybrid kind of game.
- Spock gets to mindmeld with fallen foes every so often, to learn passcodes and what-have-you. But… at the same time, I know enough about Vulcans to know they don’t like to mindmeld all willy-nilly as it’s very personal. I had a hard time believing Spock would be so quick to do it even as I was fanboying out about being able to mindmeld.
- Scanning things with a tricorder. It’s an awful lot like Batman’s Detective Vision in the Arkham games, and that’s a favorable comparison. In my second run of this game (specifically to pick up/scan all the extras), I’m basically just tricordering the whole time.
- You can set your game to public so anyone else can pop in at any time to play the character you’re not playing. This is both good and bad, depending on the player who drops in. The first drop-in I had was great and I was sorry when I had to go. Everyone else after that was frustrating enough that I changed my games to private. I think it might be fun to play with a friend, though.
- This commercial for the game, which is one of the best things William Shatner has ever done, especially considering he’d been a little hurt by not being included in the new films like Leonard Nimoy was.
Overall rating: Rent it or borrow it from me
- 2 comments
- Posted under Videogames
August 27, 2013 Tuesday 10: The Simpsons Tapped Out Tasks
I have hesitated to do this list for a while because it would be way more effective with animated GIF screenshots, but I don’t have the foggiest idea how to do that. On top of that, there’s like three of you that even play this game, so I’m basically saying to the world at large, “Hey! Don’t read today!”
But, hey, I’m still playing the game all these months later, and I’m still enjoying it for the most part. The new Krustyland expansion has me feelign liek I’m playing two different games that are odds with each other, but I’m willing to see how that all plays out.
For now, though, here are my favorite tasks I can give characters in the game.
10. Nelson – Laugh at Others’ Misfortune (24 hours) – He doesn’t audibly say “Ha ha!” every few seconds, which is probably a good thing. can you imagine how quickly that would drive you crazy? He will occasionally say it when you tap on him, and that’s about right.
9. Duffman – Promote Duff (6 hours) – He rides around on a Segway, flags a-wavin’. Good times.
8. Professor Frink – Ride Flying Machine (1 hour) – It’s a goofy wing-flapping thing and he wears some great headgear.
7. Sea captain – Tell a Tall Tale (4 hours) – He pulls out a box to put one foot on and a pipe, and it’s easy to imagine him reciting “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.”
6. Rex Banner – Interrogate Flanders (8 hours) – Rex grabs Flanders by the shirt front and yells and gesticulates. Flanders looks suitably afraid.
5. Legs & Louie – Interrogate a Squealer (1 hour) – It used to be that you had to have water somewhere in your town for this to work, but I don’t think that’s the case any more. Legs and Louie dunk a guy’s head in a barrel for a while.
4. Bare Chested Willie – Wrestle a Snake (1 hour) – This one’s from the Whacking Day event. Part of what I love about this one is the transition. As soon as you select the task, Willie falls to the ground, a snake materializes, and they start wrestling.
3. Wolfcastle – Go In for a Closer Inspection of his Laces (36 hours) – Wolfcastle literally stands in one place for 36 hours, bent over looking at his shoes. Hilarious.
2. Duffman – Promote Duff at Stadium (2 hours) – Duffman flies around Duff Stadium on a jetpack. It’s just too cool.
1. Grampa – Feed the Birds (8 hours) – Grampa Simpson sits on a park bench and feeds birds. I can’t explain exactly why this one is my favorite, but it has something to do with how peaceful it is. You’ve got Bart using his slingshot, Mr. Burns walking dogs, Barney throwing up in the gutter – all these frantic things going on, and here’s Grampa feeding some birds. You’d be surprised at how happy it makes me to select this task for him.
Tags: iOS, Simpsons, Tapped Out
- 2 comments
- Posted under Mobile, Videogames
August 26, 2013 Better Off Ted S02E11 – Mess of a Salesman
Two weird things happened in this episode:
- Ted acts very un-Tedlike around his brother
- Veronica and Linda work together very well without Veronica hassling Linda (well, not much, anyway – she does say Linda isn’t up to being “bad cop,” but that rang more as an assessment of talents than castigation)
That first one started making sense to me after a while, though. How often is someone the exact same at home that they are in public? I was a cut-up and class clown at school, but not at home. I mean, sure, there weren’t as many opportunities at home, but you know what I mean. So seeing Ted revert to how he interacted with Billy growing up makes sense, even if it is initially jarring.
Billy seems pretty likable, too. I mean, not Ted levels of likable, but in that direction. We know their dad was kind of a grump/jerk, so maybe their mom was responsible for them turning out mostly okay? I say “okay” even with the knowledge that Billy can’t hold down a job/doesn’t know what he wants to do. From what we see in the episode, even when he’s messing things up, he doesn’t seem like a total screw-up. This episode reminded me of J.D.’s older brother on Scrubs, who similarly didn’t really know what to do with himself. I’m the youngest of two myself, and it’s weird to see these two relationships played like this, because it’s definitely not how things usually go. We youngers have a definite bent towards the Billy end of things, usually.
One of the things I like most about the Billy storyline are his brief interactions with Rose. She obviously loves him and really likes seeing him. I don’t get to see my own niece and nephew that much, and I like to think they enjoy seeing me as much as Rose likes seeing Billy, but who can say for sure? What I’m saying is: there’s a lot of stuff I recognize in this episode!
Linda and Veronica’s Good Cop/Bad Cop was great stuff. You saw it coming, but Brett Fleming never did. I kind of think he got off easy. I really, really enjoyed Linda and Veronica working together like this, especially since it led to Veronica’s Emperor Palpatine impression, which was a twisted take on the whole “girls need mentors” idea of the charity they were earning money for. I tell you, folks: seeing writing like this makes me wonder how I ever entertained thoughts of writing scripts myself.
Plus, Linda headbutting Mr. Page was cathartic, because that dude needed headbutting. I don’t know if he needed blackmailing, but it all worked out in the end, so I guess that’s okay? Except now there’s an unaccounted-for body out in the woods somewhere, and that isn’t right. And, really, ends don’t justify means, people, so I don’t think the blackmailing was okay, either. I’m still voting for the headbutting being fine, though.
Phil and Lem “dealing with it” was great, largely because it led someone on the Internet to create this GIF:
“Yeah, everyone’s dealing with things now, Ted.” – Lem
It’s also fun because apparently Phil and Lem will follow anyone with Ted’s genes. If the series had gone on longer, perhaps we would have seen them being ordered around by Rose. And I’m just now realizing that Lem’s name could be short for “lemming” and “Phil” could sort of lead you to the word “follow,” but I bet I’m doing that myself and that wasn’t the plan. Or was it…? We may never know. They do kind of mold themselves to whomever is the Leader in that particular minute.
Really, this was a pretty great episode. Lots of fun bits.
And, as a checklist for those keeping score at home, here are the things Veronica finds “deeply funny” in this episode:
- A dead body being pushed into an elevator of young girls
- Linda headbutting the President of the Veridian Foundation
That seems about right.
Bits and pieces:
- “Yes, it was masterful. Like watching a chess game.” – Veronica
- “I’m getting an award!” – Veronica
- “I did all that research when I dressed up like Ted for Halloween last year.” – Lem
- Ted’s great-grandfather was a cattle wrestler
- “Please don’t hurt us. We’re not like you.” – Phil
- “We can’t leave work in the middle of the day. We’re not Somali pirates.” – Lem
- Billy goes for the fist bump and Lem and Phil think he’s going to punch them
- “Young Veronica… who was vulnerable, like a fawn in the woods. But tough, like a fawn in the woods with a machine gun.” – Veronica
- “There’s really no middle ground with you. Either you don’t care at all or you care one hundred-and-crazy percent.” – Linda
- How did Billy get them into the VIP club at the airport? He’s not a pilot or anything. This was a strange direction.
- “We bought a cadaver from your brother, Ted. Deal with it!” – Phil
- “There’s a new rule in the computer room. They just came up with it today. ‘No dead bodies in the computer room’.” – Lonnie
- “I can’t believe my lower half’s letting my upper half hang out with it.” – Lem
- “This isn’t about some stupid trees – these girls are living, growing things!” – Veronica
- Ted had a pet possum
- The guys named the corpse “Roger”
- “You’re like a fire-breathing razor-back fawn.” – Veronica
Commercial:
The Veridian Foundation. Helping the world then telling people about it makes us feel so good. The Veridian Dynamics Foundation. Helping the world by telling people we’re helping the world.
Ideas/Inventions mentioned in this episode:
- No inventions this week! I think this is a first. The robot family and the wind tunnel don’t count because they were just lab supplies purchased. But in case you’re wondering, it costs $3 million to figure out that robots don’t care about wind.
Coworkers named/seen:
- Lonnie, who works in the computer room – I don’t think we knew that about Lonnie before
- Brett Fleming in Marketing
- Mr. Page, head of the Veridian Foundation
Next week: S02E12 – It’s My Party and I”ll Lie If I Want To
Tags: Better Off Ted, LWST
- 4 comments
- Posted under TV
August 23, 2013 Mandy
If you’ve come here looking for Barry Manilow songs, you’re about to be disappointed.
I knew Mandy Patinkin as a singer a long while before I knew him as an actor. His self-titled album is the first CD I ever bought, and I still have it to this day. It wasn’t until someone showed me The Princess Bride the first time that I put two and two together, and from there I sort-of followed along with what he was doing. I even got to see him in concert in the late 90s in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where a light fixture fell from 20 feet above him to land not five feet behind him. It literally could have killed him, but after they cleaned up the mess, he carried on with the rest of the concert. Best acting non-Princess Bride thing was his turn in Dead Like Me, but I’ll admit I haven’t seen his current run on Homeland, which everyone says is wonderful.
I bring him up for two reasons: a video and an article.
The video, which ended up being way more moving than I was expecting:
I know an entry like this will appeal to maybe two people, but I’ve been a fan for years, and both of these things were sent to me on the same day and I wanted to keep them and share them at the same time.
Tags: Mandy Patinkin
- 7 comments
- Posted under Movies, Music