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“Employees must NOW use offensive or insulting language in the workplace.”  – Memo M-314

And with that simple typo, Veridian Dynamics becomes a whole different place to work.

This show does a great job of taking standard business issues and turning them on their heads – it’s a not-as-dark companion piece to Office Space in a lot of ways (though it could be argued some of their inventions are pretty dark, we don’t see a lot of them in action so it seems lighter). Here we take corporations’ slavish reliance on the memo to ridiculous extremes. Granted, a corporation has few other options for getting official info out to its workers, so memos are a necessary evil. It’s the “slavish reliance” part that is so ridiculous. Eh, regardless, it’s a good chance for the Veridian employees to tear it up for a week. I’m not going to list all the insults – I don’t even understand some of them! I think my favorite is “Tory-loving Royalist.” There is a video out there of out-takes from this episode that get very, very naughty, but I’m going to let you find it on your own. I think the show benefits from having to tone it down for broadcast TV.

The memo causes Ted the most frustration, as he finds it difficult to do his job this way. It leads to a sidestep into “you’re too controlling,” but ultimately it’s proved that Ted’s way is usually the best way, even if he cold stand to lighten up a little.  If Ted’s not left to do things his way, the company ends up with MREs that look like a weird gift basket you’d get for someone you don’t know very well.

Phil and Lem, on the other hand, use math to help them navigate the tricky insult waters, to mostly great effect. (Cue Vanilla Ice: “If there’s a problem, yo, I’ll solve it” – I mean, it wasn’t in the episode, but it’s what I think of. Just… never mind this part.)  I particularly like how there’s no emotion involved with the insults, at least initially. Phil insults Debbie in the elevator and immediately follows it up with a confirmation on what floor she’s heading to. But as the guys get further into it, the pride starts to emerge. They’re waylaying people with insults and chest-bumping each other – not, I don’t think, because they think their insults are so awesome, but because “our formula works!” They’re proud they’ve found a way to use what they know to function in a system thy’re so often confused by.

Aside from calling Linda “slut,” Veronica really isn’t affected by the rule change.  Mostly, I think, because Veronica talks to people the way she’s going to talk to people regardless of what Veridian says.  Really, her calling Linda “slut” seems like something she might have done anyway. It’s the right choice to have her storyline be mostly unrelated, and it gives us a chance to enjoy some Chris Parnell, who has some of the best lines for a non-regular character since Veronica’s dad showed up a while back. His sad sack Walter up against (figuratively AND literally!) Veronica is hilarious because of its ridiculousness, and we get some bonus Dutch hating, so it’s an all-around win for Veronica this week, aside from the fact that she’s going to have to get new body parts because her current ones have been ruined by Walter.

The episode is bookended by conversations between Ted and Debbie, and the change from the first one to the last one makes me wonder if this sparks a permanent change in Debbie. I don’t think we get to spend any more time with her in the rest of the series, but it would have been interesting to see a background character take on new life, I think.

Bits and pieces:

• “Luckily, talking to Debbie isn’t the only way we communicate around here.” – Ted
• “It’s like my feelings are itchy.” – Veronica
• “In the past I’ve always counteracted this feeling with other emotions, like sugar or drunk.” – Veronica
• “I don’t hate the Dutch. I love the Dutch. That’s why I hold them to a higher standard.” – Veronica
• “The Dutch don’t smear herring on half the things you say they do.” – Walter Palmer
• “God made me this way. And then He told me where to shop for suits.” – Ted
• “Pow! You’ve been Lem-basted!” – Lem
• “You’re right. I’ll work on that.” – Phil
• “That’s not a company-mandated insult. That one came from the heart.” – Linda
• “Wow. That’s the fastest I’ve ever lost interest in something.” – Veronica
• “Thank you for kissing with me.” – Walter Palmer (as quoted by Veronica)
• “I’m happy that you came to me for advice, but sad this is my area of expertise.” – Linda
• Future, babies, commitment – the three words you’re going to want to put into heavy rotation if you want to scare a man off, according to Linda
• “Back off! I need my space!” – Veronica, reacting to the three words
• “Let’s light this candle and blast off into a calm, settled, monogamous relationship.” – Walter Palmer
• “You’ve just been Phil-abusted!” – Lem
• When the elevator doors open after Phil insults the water delivery man (Jim), Phil and Lem have switched places. Did Lem try to save Phil?
• “We just got Ted-ucated.” – Phil
• “Veronica Palmer is man-smart.” – The Veridian execs

Commercial:

Nope :(

Ideas/Inventions mentioned in this episode:

• Meals-Ready-To-Eat
• Genital X-ray Project
• 14-foot Soldier (theoretical)

Coworkers named/seen:

• Debbie
• Janet S. Crotum
• Pudberger – guy in Ted’s meeting, I missed his first name
• Walter Palmer
• Mark, another guy in Ted’s meeting
• Roger, a lab worker, and Phil’s test run for his insult equation

Next week: S02E09 – The Long and Winding High Road

Tags: Better Off Ted, LWST

For many of us, talking to people is the best part of a job. If you’re lucky enough to work with people you like, talking to them throughout the day is like a bonus breaktime. I mean, pretty much anything at work that isn’t work-related is the best, right?  You might not like going to birthday parties in real life, but if there’s a half-hour birthday gathering at work, it’s the best thing ever.

However, if you’re unlucky enough to work with people you wouldn’t want to hang around outside of work, the little conversations throughout the day can stretch a work day interminably. It can make your actual work seem like the break — come to think of it, I’m surprised Veridian hasn’t hit on this idea to boost productivity. Remember the scratchy chair? If Veridian made it so everybody thought everybody else was horrible to talk to, I’d bet they’d see productivity rise to Gordon Jenkins levels!  …but they also might see a rise in workplace murders, so maybe that isn’t the best idea.  On the other hand, Veridian isn’t known for caring too much about employees, so maybe a few murders now and again are “acceptable losses” for them.  I’m going to go ahead and imagine this was a storyline slated for season three.

Back here in season two, though, Ted is stuck talking to Ryan way more than he’d like to be, and given some of Ryan’s chosen topics, I can’t really blame him. (As a side note, let me just say that if you’re ever showing your gross toenail to a coworker, you have crossed a line and should reconsider where your life choices have led you.  Unless you work at a doctor’s office and you’re getting medical advice, I guess.) Ted has even resorted to braving the back staircase, risking contracting spider madness.  One thing leads to another and Ryan quits his job, putting Ted into “I have to fix this” mode, which leads to Ryan’s wife giving birth in Ted’s car.  The most interesting part of this storyline is the differing perceptions the characters have. Ted likes Ryan okay, he just can’t handle “too much” talking. From Ryan’s perspective, Ted’s a buddy, a work friend, someone he tells his wife about every night.  I feel like there’s a lot of untapped potential in the perspectives thing, but they can’t really dwell on it because they have to get to the birth shenanigans.

Meanwhile, Phil and Lem get tricked into working with Veronica directly, and it’s wonderful. Not for them, of course, but for us viewers it’s a beautiful thing.  We are already aware of just how much they are attracted to/fear Veronica, so seeing them have to be around her without a Ted buffer makes for some great scenes:

• trapped in the office, trying to get out
• the look Veronica gives Phil and Lem when they’re trying to escape her office
• unwittingly holding hands
• curtsying when they leave Veronica’s office
• adjusting the PA controls
• Phil whistling the answers so Lem can talk

Really, any time the two of them are dealing with Veronica one-on-one is some of my favorite stuff.

Linda doesn’t get much to do in this episode other than flit around the edges of both these storylines and have her own difficult-to-listen-to coworker, but I would like to point out that most people in Wisconsin are as nice as they’ve made Linda out to be, in case you were wondering. Perhaps someone should do a study on how cheese consumption/production affects general goodwill.  Maybe lactose intolerant people are just intolerant overall.

Bits and pieces:

• “If you’d been bitten by one of the back stairs spiders you’d be flopping on the floor deep in the throes of spider madness.” – Phil
• “Sarcasm, the first sign of spider madness.” – Lem
• “If only there were a nice way to say ‘You’re killing me, you energy-sucking time gobbler’.” – Ted
• “After a week of vomiting, everyone – even the bird – was back at work.” – Ted
• “I would like to unsubscribe from whatever you’re doing right now.” – Veronica
• Veronica calls Phil and Lem Bunson and Beaker
• Linda’s mom’s sayings are ridiculous
• “I can’t stand who Phil and Lem are so I’m changing them.” – Veronica
• “The version of Linda you heard in your head is right.” – Ted
• Ted is a terrible liar, as evidenced by his cell phone bit
• Lem is the pony, according to Veronica
• “Maybe it’ll look less weird if I carry you.” – Lem
• Lem keeps trying to use cowboy imagery and runs out quickly, but later on comes up with more stuff
• “You’re just a shivering Chihuahua, aren’t you?” – Veronica
• “Talking about drawer elves isn’t going to make this any less scary.” – Phil
• On the plus side, the PA systems is very clear now
• Phil runs awesomely, arms a-flappin’ – “I did get to watch Phil run. He was like an ostrich in a lab coat trying to catch a bus.” – Veronica
• “I am Veronica, Queen of Veridian” – Veronica
• Ted and Veronica’s duet – will this make Veronica’s second album?  Another question season three would have answered, no doubt

Commercial:

I’m so happy there was a commercial this week that I could just cry!

Veridian Dynamics. Friendship: it’s so important. But it’s different at work. Time spent with friends at work robs your employer of productivity, and robbing people is wrong. Veridian Dynamics. Friendship. It’s the same as stealing.

Ideas/Inventions mentioned in this episode:

• New PA system
• The smallest squirrel science can make

Coworkers named/seen:

• Ryan, the security guard
• Mr. Krebs – played by Jeff Doucette who was Harley on Newhart

Next week: S02E08 – The Impertence of Communicationizing

Tags: Better Off Ted, LWST