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zwolanerd

“I guess I just like liking things”

December 18, 2014 Videogames of 2014

Spell check keeps telling me that “videogames” isn’t one word, but I’m still the boss around here, spell check, so you can stick it up your nose.

An end-of-the-year list of games suffers the most at my hands, compared to any other list. Games are the most expensive things and I tend to not buy games when they first come out, choosing instead to wait til they’re available used or at substantial discounts. I’ve tried to tell game makers that I’d be way more willing to try games I’ve never heard of if the entry point was $20 or so, but they don’t listen to me. So until such time as that happens, my lists will be limited to the few games I played this year.

I played many more games than this, but most of them were from 2013, and I’m choosing to limit the selection to this year’s crop. There were several more games released this year that I intend to play at some point (Lego Hobbit and Shadows of Mordor, for instance), but they aren’t cheap enough yet.

Normally I like to use a picture of something other than my #1 pick, but this game is too good

Normally I like to use a picture of something other than my #1 pick, but this game is too good

So here’s my list of games I played this year in the order I enjoyed them, from least to most. All of them were on XBox One unless otherwise noted.

14. Super Time Force – This was a free download for XBox Gold members. I played it for maybe for maybe 10 minutes before I remembered how much I dislike platformers.

13. Alien: Isolation – I’m sure it’s a better game than I’m giving it credit for, but I’m several hours into it and I’m just so not interested in it. I really like the Alien movies, so I don’t know what the disconnect is here.

12. Guacamelee! Super Turbo Championship Edition – Another free platformer via XBox Gold, but this one I played all the way through (even though it frustrated me at times oh so very much. The style of this game was unique and beautiful, and it was quite funny.

11. The Lego Movie Videogame – I liked it, but it was pretty much just a straight rehash of the movie.

10. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – Frustrating controls and camera at times, but it’s still Spidey swinging around, beating people up, and collecting things.

9. Assassin’s Creed Unity – Better than III, and very beautiful, but that’s all I can say for it.

8. The Wolf Among Us – This game got me into reading the Fables comics they’re based on, which aren’t necessarily required to enjoy the game, but the game and the comics each helped me appreciate the other more.

7. The Walking Dead: Season Two – Just some fantastic storytelling here, guys, I’m not even kidding. Poor Clem :(

6. Watch Dogs – One-button hacking is the wave of the future, and I am hanging ten. (That’s surfing lingo, for you young kids out there who might not know.)

5. Minecraft – You might not think this is a new game, but it was newly released on the XBox One this year so it counts. It turns out I really, really like digging quarries. Building stuff? eh, not so much.

4. [Lego Batman 3: Beyond Gotham] – This one’s in brackets because I have bought it but I haven’t played it yet. I have a pretty good idea that this is where it would fit, though. Once I’ve played it (next year) I’ll let you know how my guess was (my guess is that my guess is pretty close to being right).

3. Assassin’s Creed Liberation HD (XBox 360) – After the Ezio series, this is my favorite Assassin’s Creed game. It’s smaller in scale, but I really took to the setting, the storyline, and Aveline de Grandpré.

2. Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition – Here’s how much I liked this game: I had already bought and played through it on the XBox 360 the previous year, but I bought and played through it again on the XBox One because I loved it so much.

1. Dragon Age: Inquisition – My saved game currently says I’ve put 250+ hours into this game, but that’s because there’s some kind of glitch that counts time when the game is minimized. Honestly, though? This is exactly the sort of game I could put 250+ hours into.

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December 17, 2014 Lyn Plays Elf Bowling

 

Okay so it’s not the original because the original wouldn’t record. I know, what a world. You know the original anyway. You played it. Don’t pretend you didn’t, everyone did because everyone emailed it to everyone else. Anyone with an email address in 1999 was sent Elf Bowling about 10 times. It was viral before viral was a thing.

Anyway, this particular game in the Elf Bowling saga takes place on, in and around Hawaii. There’s a cruise ship, the Elves invade somehow (I didn’t read the story) and they must bowl to save.. Christmas? I think if you win against various characters you get to bowl again, which is great.

It’s not a terrible game. It’s a tired game in a way because by the time this one came out in 2008 there was already a ton of previous versions. This one is in 3D though so that’s interesting to a point. It gets less interesting when you can’t skip the boring bits. Your play time is about two clicks per minute which is dull.You can’t skip the AI player turns either so that’s also dull. The original game was about 3 minutes for a complete game, this one is 15 minutes for one round. I suppose it’s good value for money.

I’m not going to link to a download place because it’s in dozens of places so you can dig it up from your preferred place to download things that are Elf Bowling.

I won’t be here next week. Which is only sort of true, I will be here at my desk because I’m working, but I won’t be here here on the site because of the Winter Closing of Zwolanerd (feel free to think of suitable music for that phrase). As such, I’ll take this opportunity to thank you for watching, to wish you a Happy Everything and a Brilliant New Year and to tell you I’ll be back next year with more rambling, poorly recorded nonsense for your eyes. My gift, to you.

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December 16, 2014 Tuesday 30: New Movies of 2014

So far this year I have seen 30 movies in the theater (with no repeats, even). It would be more, but my usual movie-going buddy and his wife had a baby in early November, so I haven’t been to as many as I’d like this fall. I thought I would undertake the daunting task of trying to orderize all 30 of them. I would have called this task “Herculean,” but I didn’t end up liking Hercules all that much.

I went back and forth on doing one long list or breaking it down into sections, and I ultimately decided to do both: one long list broken down into sections.

I assume there are movies that were released this year that should be on this list, but I’m limiting it to movies I’ve seen. Perhaps I’ll do a follow-up list some time entitled “That Best Movies I Haven’t Seen Yet (2014).”

Everything is awesome!

Everything is awesome!

Disliked

30. Transformers: Age of Extinction – The frustrating thing about these movies is that they could be good. A war between gigantic transforming robots shouldn’t be that hard to film.

29. Noah – I have two words for you: rock monsters.

Meh

28. Pompeii – It’s nice to see Kiefer Sutherland getting work, at least.

27. Lucy – Take away the “use 100% of your brain!!1!” nonsense and I actually quite like this movie. Adding that in drops it waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down the list (to #27, it would appear).

26. Hercules – If they would’ve gone the mystical route and had him do the 12 Labors it would’ve been so much cooler. Cool at all, even.

25. Sin City: A Dame to Kill For – More of the same, which isn’t the worst thing, but isn’t the best.

24. Robocop – There was more to like in this movie than I expected. Michael Keaton, for instance.

23. The Expendables 3 – Take out the “new team of youngsters” part of this movie and not only will that shorten it by 45-60 minutes, it also makes it way more enjoyable.

22. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – Emma Stone: yes. Andrew Garfield: okay. Peter Parker’s parents: no one in the history of ever has wanted to know more about them.

21. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Tip for filmmakers: make your film about the thing(s) named in the title, not about Megan Fox.

Liked

20. Non-Stop – Liam Neeson can make all the old guy action movies he wants – I will see every one of them.

19. Lone Survivor – I was tense the entire time I watched this movie, and I was well aware the one guy was going to make it through.

18. Godzilla – Another tip for filmmakers: make your film about the thing named in the title, not [whatever humans happen to be around]

17. Equalizer – See my note on Liam Neeson above, substitute “Denzel Washington”

16. 47 Ronin – I will most likely always enjoy martial arts movies with a touch of the mystical, but I still don’t like anime.

15. Wish I Was Here – Mandy Patinkin was marvelous. Kate Hudson was wonderful. Everybody else did okay!

14. Transcendence – I liked the take this movie had on AI and humanity. Everybody else seemed to really dislike this one.

13. Maleficent – Angelina Jolie was magnificent as Maleficent, and I bet you can’t say that ten times quickly.

12. How to Train Your Dragon 2 – Cat-based dragons are the best dragons.

11. John Wick – I will simply point you to the Joe Loves Crappy Movies comic about this one.

Loved

10. Muppets Most Wanted – Not as good as The Muppets and a bit derivative of The Great Muppet Caper, but it has Tina Fey, Ty Burrell, and, oh yeah, the Muppets.

9. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes – I am not sick and tired of these monkey-fightin’ apes on th— no, no, I can’t even bring myself to finish it. Sorry, everyone.

8. Edge of Tomorrow – Emily Blunt kicks all the butts, but for some reason the movie focused more on Tom Cruise.

7. The Grand Budapest Hotel – I never know how to describe Wes Anderson movies to people. “I like them, but I don’t know if you will.”

6. Her – I felt this movie was more about the human need for companionship and love than it was about technology taking over every aspect of our lives. Sweet, sad, and touching, with a little bit of weird (those pants!) thrown in for good measure.

5. Interstellar – Why am I not able to buy a TARS action figure yet?

4. X-Men: Days of Future Past – Hugh Jackman can make all the Wolverine movies he wants. I will see every last one of them.

3. The Lego Movie – The song is still stuck in my head.

2. Guardians of the Galaxy – Funny and action-packed and almost perfect in tone. Groot’s the best, and Rocket’s not far behind him on the list. They are this generation’s Han & Chewie.

1. Captain America: The Winter Soldier – People are starting to gripe about “shared universe movies,” but when they’re done as well as the Marvel films are I don’t see what the problem is. Cap is great, but Black Widow and Falcon almost steal the movie from him. They make a great team.

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December 15, 2014 Music Monday: Favorite Albums of 2014

It’s the end of the year (as we know it) and that means it’s time for “best of” lists, right? I think anyone with a website is required by law to produce them, on pain of disinterest. I’ve been mulling which lists I could pull off, and since I kept track of albums I bought this year, that seemed like a good place to start. These albums weren’t necessarily released this year, but I did buy them this year.

mandatoryfunI Bought These Because I Always Buy Albums From these Artists but I Ultimately Couldn’t List One Song Off Any of These:

  • “Covers” by Norah Jones – Norah has one of the greatest voices ever — for a particular type of song. I have now bought 4 (maybe 5?) albums by her, and they’re all very pleasant to listen to, but the only song I could list of hers is “Come Away With Me” from her first album. I may need to stop buying her albums.
  • “Shine On” by Sarah McLachlan – I have 6 or 7 of her albums, and really liked her last two, but couldn’t name one song off this album without looking, and even if I looked I wouldn’t remember the song. I love her voice, though, and will continue buying her albums.
  • “Classics” by She & Him – Here’s another case of them being extremely well-suited for a particular type of song, but the last couple of albums haven’t really fit that mold (in my opinion). Their first album is my favorite.
  • “Pulses” by Karmin – It’s a stretch to say that I “always buy their albums,” but they have two out and I own both of them, so… I didn’t really like this one, though.

I Bought These Because of One or Two Songs

  • “Night Visions” by Imagine Dragons – bought for “Demons” and (sort of, a little, I guess) “Radioactive”
  • “My Head Is an Animal” by Of Monsters and Men – bought for “Little Talks”
  • “Spreading Rumours” by Grouplove – bought for “Ways to Go”
  • “Wish I Was Here” Soundtrack – bought because it tied in well with the movie, but I don’t really care for most of it (other than the title track) on its own
  • “Unapologetic” by Rihanna – I still can’t stop listening to “Stay”

I Bought Her Previous Album And Really Liked It But Don’t Know What to Make of This One

  • “Ultraviolence” by Lana Del Rey – I don’t even know why I couldn’t stop listening to her previous album for so long.

My Top Four Albums From This Year, Ordered by How Much I Listened to Them

4. “Head or Heart” by Christina Perri

3. “The Blessed Unrest” by Sara Bareilles – I’m curious how long it will be until “I Choose You” starts being used in weddings, and I cringe at the thought of people unqualified to sing it trying to sing it.

2. “Mandatory Fun” by “Weird Al” Yankovic – I’m still mulling my ranking of of this one. have patience!

1. “Lights Out” by Ingrid Michaelson – This became my default CD for the car when I was tired of the radio of another CD. I like all but two of the songs on it.

Out of these 14 albums, 9 of them are either female singers or feature female singers predominately. I’d guess that would be representative of my entire CD collection, but won’t know for sure until I count that out some day (which could happen, you never know).

 

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December 11, 2014 Introductions Are In Order

Q*Bella, a Dalish elf who just wants to help out

Q*Bella, a Dalish elf who just wants to help out

Please allow me to introduce you to someone new. This is Q*bella, a Dalish elf rogue who hasn’t yet decided on an official specialty, but whose current specialty is shooting at things with arrows from a great distance. She is eager to help almost anyone, as long as they aren’t a complete jerkface (or a Darkspawn (but I repeat myself)), and she really wants everything to be okay again. She’s still not completely sure how she got chosen for all of this, but if she can help fix it, she guesses that’ll be all right. She’s currently a Level 15 rogue, but there’s a lot going on, so she won’t stay there long. Not only are there weird green rifts in the sky that need closing, there are also books to find, druffalos to skin, dungeons to loot, castle decorating to do, and friends to make (the end of the world may be close at hand, but there’s no excuse for facing it alone and unstylishly!).

I wanted you to meet her because we’ve been hanging out a lot lately, so her name will probably come up again. You can check out her page on Facebook if you want.

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